Ben Affleck, contemplating the best way to totally screw up the role of Batman.

Dear God,

Why do you hate me?

As you are aware, I am a huge Batman fan. HUGE. I’ve been patiently waiting for news about who would be cast as Batman in the upcoming Batman-Superman crossover film.

But the recent announcement about the next Batman was like waking up on Christmas morning and finding reindeer turds under your tree.

Ben Affleck, Lord? Why do you mock me?

I mean, look, the guy is clearly talented. He’s directed Oscar-winning movies and whatnot. He also had a thing with J-Lo and made one of the worst films in history.

Then there are several mediocre films in between, including a superhero movie staring Ben Affleck.

He’s not my first choice. He’s not even my 10th or 12th choice. He’s basically the guy I’d pick if every other male lead in Hollywood died in a bus crash en route to the Handsomest Bastard in the Universe Convention.

I mean, Ben Affleck? “Chasing Amy” dude is going to chase the Joker?

Warner Brothers, are you screwing this up (more)?

I hope I’m pleasantly surprised by the resulting film. I’m pretty sure I’ll be horrified, though the rubber bat nipples in the Joel Schumacher atrocities set the standard for total garbage.

Why would you make a casting decision essentially guaranteeing that millions fans will not even bother watching this? Given the amount of thought you put into this, we can only expect the movie will be another phoned-in, half-assed attempt to sell toys.

This isn’t a democratic process. Warner Brothers is free to crap all over any brand they like. I just wish they wouldn’t do it to my favorite character.

I mean, really?