Decatur Metro already wrote about security at this Friday’s football game, but we are going to rock it so much harder
Our regular readers probably saw that Decaturish.com’s neighborhood frienemy Decatur Metro reported there will be enhanced security at this Friday’s high school football game.
We’re going to report it, too.
This post will contain no new information, won’t credit the original source of the news and will be posted a day later as though yesterday didn’t happen. We will also pretend that people who read news websites aren’t savvy enough to realize we got scooped.
Also, instead of reprinting the entire letter about school security like Decatur Metro did, we will treat it like it’s a state secret that no mere layman can access.
Here at Decaturish, we aren’t interested in your ability to visit more than one website on the internet. We assume your destination is exclusively our website. We want you to believe that no other websites dedicated to providing timely information exist.
That’s how you play the online news game in Atlanta. It’s how we made all these millions of internet dollars.
So, according to our new way cooler summary of the City Schools of Decatur letter that Decatur Metro already published:
– City Schools of Decatur says no bags or purses at football games because someone ruined it for everybody and now we can’t have nice things.
– There will be more lights on the front and back of the campus. Should Georgia Power fail to install the lights, the Decatur Police Department will wheel out the Bat Signal and point its bright ray of justice toward the sky.
– The Decatur Police Department will have more officers at the event and there will be DeKalb Marshals on hand. That way we can all safely watch 60 glorious minutes of young men wearing helmets and running head first into each other.
– Band students will follow a specific dismissal procedure. Being members of the band, I assume they’re used to following specific procedures.
Good job City Schools of Decatur for keeping our kids safe. Also, good job Decaturish.com for rehashing old news, smothering it with awesome and hoping you will chalk up the experience of re-ingesting this information to déjà vu.
Isn’t online journalism great?