Guest commentary – Oog must preserve religious freedomState Rep. Oog The Cave Man, R – Bumblederp
Oog have very important message to deliver to state of Georgia. Oog’s religious freedom in danger. Cave Men want to marry other Cave Men, and Cave Women want to marry other Cave Women.
While Oog thinks Cave Women with other Cave Women is pretty hot, Cave Men with other Cave Men make Oog think thoughts. When Oog think thoughts, Oog get sweaty. Then Oog get sleepy. When Oog wake, Oog see Cave Men get married on magic thought box. That makes Oog more angry. Rarr!
After Oog smash all magic thought boxes with brontosaurus leg bone, he introduce legislation in Georgia General Assembly. This legislation make it legal for Oog to deny Cave Men who marry other Cave Men service at Oog’s prehistoric Christian family restaurant, The Jesus Invent Wheel. Oog can also deny Cave Women birth control, if Oog weren’t afraid of science and had decided to become pharmacist.
Some stupid Georgians say Oog dumb, backward hick who want to deny civil liberties. Stupid Georgians need to read Bible, watch Fox News on magic thought box more. On second thought, Oog now regret smashing magic thought box. Now Oog thinking too much and beginning to sweat.
Also, Oog have message for Cave Women who want birth control. Where Oog’s brontosaurus burger? Birth control prevent Oog from procreating, which mean that no one will be working at The Jesus Invent Wheel when Legislature in session.
Thought of gay Cave Man eating Oog’s bronto-burger make Oog smash! Smash!
Oog wants stupid Georgians to support Oog’s bill. Oog’s religious freedom more important than other freedoms.
Also, Oog remind stupid Georgians to support Oog on election moon. Everyone who go to The Jesus Invent Wheel with “Me Voted” sticker gets free bronto-burger.
Vote Oog. Oog make gay Cave Men go away.
In conclusion: Oog.