Dear Decaturish – Ways to woo Decatur

Posted by Dan Whisenhunt September 27, 2014
Photo from the Decatur Beach Party Facebook page.

Photo from the Decatur Beach Party Facebook page.

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Dear Decaturish,

It seems that many of us (in Medlock Park) would prefer to be annexed into City of Decatur if we have to be annexed anywhere. Yet the COD does not want us, because we have too many school-age children and too little retail. I suggest the following as ways to make ourselves more attractive to COD:

1) All persons under the age of 18 must be disguised as follows when venturing out of doors in the neighborhood:

12-18 years: Office workers for non-profit organizations

2-11 years: Well-behaved dogs on leashes

Infants in arms: Watermelons or other organic produce

2) All school buses entering the neighborhood will be covered in decals, making them appear to be tour buses for Steve Martin, Alison Krauss, or the like.

3) What retailer does Decatur want most of all? To the end of creating a belief that Medlock Park harbors a Trader Joe’s somewhere along its wandering streets, residents shall take turns wandering about the neighborhood with Trader Joe’s shopping bags (cheese corn puffs peeking out at the top) to create the impression that they are walking home from a nearby store. When stopped by cut-through motorists, they should gesture vaguely and say the store is “back there.”

3a) If we obtain enough donations and matching grants from arts foundations, we could install a holographic Trader Joe’s at the Woodshed location. Residents are advised to start stockpiling TJ’s shopping carts for the parking lot of our future Potemkin Joe’s

– Catherine Nickerson, Medlock Park

About Dan Whisenhunt

Dan Whisenhunt is editor and publisher of Decaturish.com. https://www.linkedin.com/in/danwhisenhunt

View all posts by Dan Whisenhunt

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