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Sunday Morning Meditation – Derp Horse


Sunday Morning Meditation – Derp Horse

Donald Trump. Photo by Gage Skidmore, obtained via Wikimedia Commons

Donald Trump. Photo by Gage Skidmore, obtained via Wikimedia Commons

There’s a certain amount of poetic justice in seeing Donald Trump, king of the jerkasses, upending the GOP presidential primary.

I have a few GOP candidates that I like this year. Oddly enough, I like Jeb Bush, even though I think his brother is as dumb as a bag of hammers. It’s against my better judgment, but in general the GOP field is slim pickings as far as credible candidates are concerned. There’s Jeb, Sen. Marco Rubio and perhaps Rand Paul. But watching that debate Thursday, you knew that all of the oxygen in the room was getting sucked into the giant wind tunnel flapping on Trump’s face.

The pundits say Trump has “tapped into” something in American politics. But what he’s purportedly “tapped into” is this fever swamp of racism and bigotry that exists within the GOP base. Republicans have been dipping their toes in it for years, paying just enough lip service to win those voters without becoming mired in its icky depths. Trump hasn’t tapped into squat. He’s gone all Daniel Plainview from “There Will Be Blood” and stuck a drilling rig on top of the swamp. He’s drinking the milkshake.

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The GOP’s real problem isn’t Trump. The real problem that they’ve pandered to the people who would vote for him. Trump is succeeding because he’s climbed atop his derp horse and has arrived to lead the denizens of the fever swamp to stupid.

Trump’s problem with women is really the GOP’s problem with women.

Trump calling Hispanics a bunch of criminals is not too far removed from GOP-controlled legislatures adopting draconian immigration policies.

Trump claiming political correctness is killing this country is really the GOP not recognizing that political correctness and respecting the feelings of others aren’t necessarily interchangeable concepts.

The GOP is staring at its Id in the mirror, and it wears a bad toupee. The GOP’s real problem is some of its “mainstream” candidates and party leaders are cut from the same cloth as the radioactive blowhard in their midst. Hell, Trump is still more likable than Rush Limbaugh, which is kind of scary.

I am enjoying Trump’s candidacy for all the wrong reasons, and the mainstream GOP is worried for those same reasons. You aren’t going to be able to stake this Trump vampire sucking all of the attention away from your candidates. The only way you defeat him is by changing the things about your party that would make him an attractive Republican candidate in the first place.

I’m sure some of your hard line leadership will call that weakness. Fine, whatever makes you feel better about it. Why listen to me? I’m only a 30-something voter who would love to support candidates who would cut my taxes, as long as they don’t act like a jerk toward all of my friends who aren’t straight white males.

Any candidates like that in the GOP field? Well, maybe the ones I mentioned and Gov. John Kasich. But all the conservative yakers say they’re too milquetoast anyway, so screw it. The Ghost of Political Realty Present has better things to do than tell you what you’ve already known for years anyway.

Change, if it ever happens, isn’t likely to occur before 2016’s elections. So I figure I’ll just sit back and consume Trump news like Cookie Monster consuming a bag of Double Stuffed Oreos laced with crack cocaine.

Om. Nom. Nom.